


regrets

by tryslora



Series: 12 Days of Tropemas 2018 [4]
Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: 12DaysOfTropemas, Alternate Universe, M/M, Temporary Character Death
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-26
Updated: 2018-12-26
Packaged: 2019-09-28 02:47:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,642
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17174414
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tryslora/pseuds/tryslora
Summary: Shiro loved him. Shiro never expected to lose him.





	regrets

**Author's Note:**

> Okay... SO... This was written for 12 Days of Tropemas, Day 3 - Fairy Tales / Mythology. And I somehow decided to read something into the myth of Achilles and Patroclus.
> 
> What does that mean for this? Pretend I only know VLD from reading about it online. Pretend I only know mythology from reading about it thirty years ago in high school. This is a COMPLETE AU, as in, assume nothing from canon, and I squooshed it all around, massaged it, then gave the story of Achilles and Patroclus a happy ending.
> 
> YES, there is a happy ending (even if it's angsty and grieftastic before that).

Shiro regrets.

He regrets that he forbade Keith to go into battle, knowing full well that Keith would never listen. He regrets that he refused to see when Keith rebelled. He regrets that he was not in the black lion when Voltron went against Lotor.

He regrets that it was not him who died.

Shiro sits in his quarters, where he has sat since before the battle, and he regrets.

#

It was Allura who brought the news, when the battle was done.

She rapped on the door, waited until Shiro opened it. It took one look at her expression to know the truth.

“I’m so sorry, Shiro. He fought bravely, but Lotor struck the black lion down.” She hesitated before holding out his bayard. “We retrieved the black lion, but Keith was gone by the time we got there. We had to fight to bring the lion home; you know Lotor wants Voltron. We can only assume—”

Shiro took the bayard to silence her, to avoid hearing what they assumed. He could think it too, what Lotor might have done with Keith’s body, after Keith’s death. But he didn’t want to, didn’t want it said so explicitly.

The bayard fit to his hand as if it belonged there, as if he should never have let it go. He curled his fingers around it tightly, and closed his eyes. “We will destroy him,” he said quietly.

Allura murmured something, but his mind was shut to her platitudes.

“Give me one quintant to plan,” he says, and shut the door.

#

It takes more than one quintant.

“No, no, you can’t get in there yet.” Hunk pushes him back from the black lion, keeps Shiro from his plans. “It’s not ready to go out again yet. You’ll know; it’ll reach out for you, I’m sure. It’s just as angry as you are.”

“I’m not angry.” The words come out flat, and Hunk’s brow furrows in concern at Shiro’s tone.

“Of course you are,” Hunk says, and he reels Shiro in for a hug, patting his back broadly.

Anger isn’t the right word for it.

Gutted.

Destroyed.

And so very full of regret.

Shiro’s legs give out unexpectedly, the stiffness gone from his body as he folds then and there to land on the floor, Hunk staring down at him. Shiro has his head in his hands, and he grips his hair tightly, refusing to give in to the wracking tears that threaten to come.

“I loved him,” he mutters.

Hunk crouches down next to him, pats his shoulder. “Of course you did. We all do. And we’ll avenge him, Shiro. Just give us a little more time to make sure the black lion is ready for you.”

#

He couldn’t cry.

When Allura left, he lay there on his bed, eyes burning, body shaking from the emotion. But the tears wouldn’t come. He felt dry and gutted, twisted inside out from the pain.

Just that morning they’d lain in bed, tangled together with sweat-soaked skin, and Keith had pressed his lips to Shiro’s scars. “I love you,” Keith whispered. “No matter what happens. But I have to do what I have to do, Shiro. You can’t just carry the weight without doing something.”

“We need to plan,” Shiro replied, stroking his hand down Keith’s back, hoping to distract him.

“We have to act,” Keith said.

He left then, and took everything Shiro felt with him to the battlefield.

And in the aftermath, there were no tears.

#

The black lion greets Shiro with a roar.

It all feels right when Shiro climbs in, in a way that it hasn’t in a long time. As if the black lion welcomes him back.

And at the same time it feels wrong, flying without Keith in the red lion. Everything feels a step off-kilter with Lance piloting the red, and Allura in the blue.

Shiro touches the instrument panel, reaches out with his mind and feels the lion reach back.

_We are going to save him_.

Shiro pulls back, hand lingering in the air. What?

The lion roars, comes to life around him, and leaps forward. Shiro is aware of the other lions in motion, of the way that they all fly in concert, heading for Lotor’s fleet. Everything has a surreal edge to it, as if it happens by instinct. Shiro pilots the lion, yes, but in a sense it seems as if it pilots him, as if they are one being fused together.

There is a moment when he sees the shot coming, when he knows that if they had formed Voltron he would be safe.

But he’s not, and the world goes dark.

#

“You know why we need to do it,” Keith had said.

Shiro hadn’t want to listen. “I know why you think we do,” Shiro said. “And I disagree. I think it’s a suicide mission at this stage, and we need to know more. We need to understand our enemy and be certain that we can defeat him.”

Keith straddled Shiro, hands on his shoulders, and lowered himself so they touched, forehead to forehead. “Avenge me,” he had whispered. “If I go, it will be in a blaze of glory, and you will avenge me or save me. Be angry if I die, and let that carry you to victory.”

“I don’t want to lose you,” Shiro replied. He hooked a leg behind Keith’s, flipping them both so he could press down against him, drawing a groan from Keith.

“Then don’t,” Keith said. He kissed Shiro then, and everything else was lost to passion.

#

The world is dark.

Shiro stands in a field of darkness, no up or down, no way to orient himself. It seems familiar and alien all at once, and he knows, somehow, that he is not alone.

“Hunk?” he calls out, and silence echoes back. “Lance? Allura? Pidge?”

Nothing.

Shiro takes a breath, and his voice breaks when he calls softly, “Keith?”

Nothing.

Then… “Shiro?”

“Keith.” He spots him then, the only bright thing against the darkness that surrounds them. Time folds and Keith is right there in front of him, like a dream, only when Shiro wraps his arms around him, Keith is solid. Real.

Keith looks up as Shiro looks down and when Shiro kisses him, he tastes real, too.

“You died.” Shiro clings to him, tangling his fingers in Keith’s hair. “You stole my lion and you went out and you died. I told you we weren’t ready. I told you we weren’t going to win. And you went anyway.”

Keith’s fingers dig into his back, his body fit along Shiro’s tightly. “If I died,” Keith mumbles against Shiro’s shoulder, “then what are you doing here?”

He has a point.

#

Keith said it first.

Shiro was still uncertain—they were different ages, different experiences. A part of his mind still thought of Keith as young, even though they were comrades in arms. Even though they were both paladins, both adults.

Even though Shiro knew, with all his heart, how he felt.

Even though he had already given in, physically.

Keith traced patterns on Shiro’s chest, teased him as they relaxed in the aftermath. Keith’s hand had flattened against his chest, fingers curled slightly over his heart.

“Do you love me?” Keith asked, and Shiro heard the uncertainty there. The wondering if this was only physical release, or if there were something more.

Shiro didn’t mean to make a declaration, even as the words slipped free.

“To death and beyond,” he said.

#

“You’re here. I’m here. We’re having this conversation.” Keith walks away, hands spread as he talks. “This means something, Shiro. You followed me here. It only makes sense that I’m going to follow you back.”

Shiro sifts through myths in his mind, on rescuing lovers from the underworld. He’s certain that there’s a price to pay, but he has nothing. He wonders then if it’s not a price to pay, but a declaration. A will to live, and a recognition of the bond between them.

“You are my weakness,” he says quietly, as Keith turns to look at him. “You are my Achille’s heel. You are the one I can’t bear to lose, and the one I lost because of hubris that told me that I could protect you. You are my love, my life, and you became my path to potential death. If I am going to live, it will be with you.”

“I love you to death and beyond,” Keith says, and Shiro hears the words in his own voice.

Shiro holds out a hand, and Keith takes it, blessedly warm and solid in the touch. “If the lions have taught us anything,” Shiro says, “it’s that our hearts are strong, and that our will is even stronger. You were waiting for me to come get you.”

“I was waiting for you to show me the way back,” Keith agrees.

#

The lions roars as it pulls out of the dive, flying into position as Voltron’s head.

The world clicks into resolution in a chatter of voices, everyone yelling, “Shiro!” and a fresh cacophony when Keith answers back with, “We’re here.”

As Voltron forms, six become one, and Shiro realizes that Keith was right—they will only win by taking risks, by being in the fight.

Keith takes his hand. “You think, I’ll act, and we’ll get through this together.”

#

When the battle is done, Shiro stays only long enough for the congratulations. For the hugs and the cheers that Keith is alive, and that for the moment, the battle is won.

Then he takes Keith’s hand and he doesn’t care who watches as he pulls him down the hall, to his quarters—to their quarters—and locks the door behind them.

They undress and come together, in sweat and kisses and love.

Shiro regrets nothing.


End file.
